substack didn't replace my social media addiction

compressing memories into .pdf instead of .jpg

I had always been the type to overthink, and before you roll your eyes and be like, 'well, duh, everyone overthinks', let me stop you there. Everyone does! It's not a special or unique trait, but I think there's a different type of overthinking that comes with being a 'writer'. Using 'writer' in a loose sense, when you turn everything into a narrative, suddenly every small action and word and conversation becomes part of a larger story to tell.

Whilst this is not always a bad thing, it genuinely does feel like a plague in your mind. No moment can be enjoyed for that moment, it is simply a subject matter to be written about. I sit around my loved ones in and all I can think about is 'How would I phrase this moment?', 'How could I articulate how i feel right now?', 'Would someone live vicariously through this moment by the way I described it?'.

Living in the moment is hard enough as it is in the age of social media, as we find the need to condense moments into pictures posted onto the web for people to see. We work hard to pose ourselves in ways that look good, find songs to match the mood, and essentially frame our memories as 15 second stories that people will scroll past and forget in seconds. In an attempt to move myself away from that, I downloaded Substack. except I now do the same thing I did on Instagram, but this time just with words.

There is a big caveat here which lies in the depth of the content, both created and consumed. Reading a chunk of text that is a beautifully described memory or essay on the human psyche simply is different from looking at a photo with a 10-word caption. On the opposite end, creating that photo and caption will not amount to the process it takes to write a piece of work that you are proud of and iterate it to be such a way. What I do argue is that in both senses, we are trying to condense the human experience for others to consume. If done right, it can just be a reflection of that moment at a later date, but often it isn't (at least in my case).

I recall going to bed the other night, and as I lulled myself to sleep, I thought about what topics I could write for my next Substack post. my next Substack post — for my two followers (one being my boyfriend), and the two friends I sent this to. Why am I mulling over what to write for an audience I don't have? Even just for the audience of myself and therapy of writing my feelings, I have suddenly shifted my efforts into presenting myself aesthetically on Instagram, to doing so on Substack. I love reading what is put on this platform. I love seeing the intricacies of people's minds and feeling seen by the writing that exists on here. I just don't want to be put into a place where I am always thinking about writing about a moment, instead of being in the moment itself.

Maybe this issue exists solely in the microcosm of my brain, but I wonder if other people on Substack feel the same way. Maybe one day when I have more of an audience and community, I can pose this question, but for now, it will be a simple echo into the ether.

Anyways, til next time.